I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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