Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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