i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
