So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
