there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
