You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
