I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize