I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
