you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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