Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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