Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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