just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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