i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
