last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
