need another drink. this is the easiest way
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
