I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
