make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
