It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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