i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
