you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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