It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize