It's like God shit irony all over that family
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
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How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
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He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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