Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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