First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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