I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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