Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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