Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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