So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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