I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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