You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We're too hungover to prance.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
