My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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