You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
