I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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