he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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