I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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