WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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