Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
