I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's never too late to be topless.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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