Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
