I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
