I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
