I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
