Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
