You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
