We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize