I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
