Pappa wants mamma naked
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
