okay pat passed out under dana's car
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
