I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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