No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Someone shit on the floor
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
