I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
