you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
