I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
