yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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