So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
