i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
