If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
