I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
