Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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