hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
as a side note pls kill me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
