she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
