I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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