he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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