theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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