So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
