my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
