just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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