it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
