get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
