Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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