I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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